tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6243203971140634302.post1414101637742131249..comments2015-03-05T13:02:45.534-08:00Comments on The Pleasantest Life: 1000 x petite mort = srwkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14679283776760598693noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6243203971140634302.post-69578142124247592192013-04-14T12:21:25.575-07:002013-04-14T12:21:25.575-07:00Living courageously or without fear or anxiety is ...Living courageously or without fear or anxiety is not something that comes naturally. As I will state in a near-future blog post, it is to be constantly at war--until you win.. if it's possible for the war to end, even. I don't know yet. Sometimes I am paralyzed by fears that my mother, or Kevin, or I will die. And I spend hours thinking how I would react, as though I'm preparing myself. But this isn't healthy or productive. It still happens, and I have to fight against it every time. <br /><br />In the past I spent a lot of time not wanting to acknowledge changes in myself. Trying to shirk them, feeling that iI should still be able to live the way I did when I was 17 or 20 or 24. I hoarded nostalgia and made frequent attempts to live that way. Stay up all night! Drink everything! Go out and party, eff responsibilities. But by doing that, I was not only living by the wrong ideals, but I was preventing myself from enjoying and respecting myself in my current state. Trying to fit into old skin is frustrating, damaging and ultimately pointless. <br /><br />Some people never come to this conclusion and sadly, get stuck in their lives. I don't want to do that. /ramblessrwkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14679283776760598693noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6243203971140634302.post-23338233327970985122013-04-14T01:04:17.008-07:002013-04-14T01:04:17.008-07:00"To die would be a great adventure"
I w..."To die would be a great adventure"<br /><br />I wish that was my motto, but as it is, I'm afraid of my own shadow. I don't fear death, but I'd imagine living by that creed would consist of an abundance of courage and the lack of fear/anxiety on a wide scale.<br /><br />However, I believe in the beyond, beyond the beyond.<br /><br />I think this had played a part in me being quiet indifferent with death. More recently noticed due to family losses. I feel awkward in those consoling moments. <br /><br />We are constantly changing, learning, growing. Shedding our old selves, discarding them to be left for others to ponder at; those unaware or unwilling to accept our change. Be mindful you fully accept it yourself, or you may find when trying on your old skin it doesn't quite fit the same. It will never fit the same.<br /><br />More to say, but as I type I am idly eating chocolate frosted chocolate cookies. I may not fear death, but I do fear an amputated foot.<br /><br />Jak at <a href="http://crytonchronicles.blogspot.com" rel="nofollow">The Cryton Chronicles</a> & <a href="http://dreamsintheshadeofink.blogspot.com" rel="nofollow">Dreams in the Shade of Ink</a>Jakhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05069266783997777691noreply@blogger.com